| Impromptu story |
[Jun. 30th, 2009|03:28 am] |
I wrote this for Pega because she wouldn't sleep. It was off the top of my head and struggling through a couple persistent distractions. But... I tried.
( Read more... ) |
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| Random Dream |
[Jun. 29th, 2009|11:22 am] |
I dreamed
Trying to remember any of it.
I was walking home; cutting through someone's yard. It was wet and a little rainy but a kid was playing outside. it wasn't raining, but the ground was wet and it seemed like it was rainy. He was chasing a bug, running to a staircase. Down stairs. I stuck my foot in his way, he fell onto his butt and started crying. I saw his mom, told her he was fine, just fell down, and kept walking. Asked them if it was okay if i went through their yard, and if past their yard was an open street i was looking for.
Kept going.
I had a room rented in some sort of church like place. That's where I was going.
I think I lost my shirt at some point during my walk. So I was walking around shirtless, but i HAD a shirt, was just holding it over my breasts, instead of wearing it. A wedding was going on. There were bishops there??
I was walking to some other place, and it would seem the wedding was there, too. (or was it the other place first, and the church second, and finally other place again where the room I lived in actually was? this room actually was in the dream before the kid but that part is too blury) and a friend was with me and we got to my room but another name was on it in addition to mine so it looked like i had a roommate now and she was talking about classes and stuff. and a lot of friends of hers were coming over and i felt bad because my part of the room was a mess and i had to clean and the friend i was with went to take a shower and when she got back we were going to go eat and i told myself i was going to clean the room but instead just watched tv listening to my new roommate and her friends chatter about random things.
and fixing my legos? |
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| The Conduit |
[Jun. 25th, 2009|05:49 pm] |
I recently picked up a copy of a new game for the Wii called "The Conduit."
I first heard of the game the night before via commercial, and was instantly intrigued. For one, it's nice to see the Wii making and promoting more mature games, there are plenty of games out there for parties and family, and it's time they added some games for the "gamers" to play. Of course, now all those families who have Wiis are going to see these games coming out, and maybe the adults who wouldn't normally buy a gaming system for these games will now buy said games and see what all the fuss is about.
Anyway, I picked it up the day it came out even though I didn't reserve a copy (there are advantages to wearing miniskirts) and had it in my laptop case for the past day. Finally put it into my Wii and played through the first few levels.
I must say, I'm not as impressed as I want to be, but that's mostly because I honestly suck at first person shooters (it's a wonder I like them so much). I'm terrible, and my hands shake something fierce when I try to shake the wiimotes for certain attacks.
The controls are pretty intuitive, or at least they make a good deal of sense. The trigger is shoot, thrusting forward with the wiimote is melee attack and shaking the nunchuck has Mr. Ford fling a grenade with his left hand. Pretty nifty, huh? Problem is, I have a hard time aiming because the screen follows the pointer, so when I do a melee attack, I end up looking all over the place (I may change the camera style to something more static). Also, the 180 turn button is up on the d-pad, which is hard to reach when you're being taken from behind. I think I'll probably switch the zoom-in which is the bottom d-pad so I can turn around easier.
As far as the plot goes, I'm not that far but it starts with a bloody obvious double cross by "Charlie" and, quite frankly, is oversaturated with conspiracy talk and crap. I mean, it should be obvious that it is, given its logo is the eye over the pyramid with a few extra neat circles and the main device you get for intelegence is called the "All Seeing Eye" so... should expect it to be kinda full of it.
That reminds me that I dislike how the + button switches to the ASE instead of pause. Pause is the 2 button, which is harder to press than the up on the d-pad for turning around. I think pausing should be easy to do, in case you need to be able to get a break in mid combat, like if a phone call comes in. Stuff like that.
It's a little difficult to get used to the controls; I'm still working on getting used to them, and once I'm accustomed to them I think they'll work perfectly.
I do need to get a bigger TV, the one I'm playing on is tiny, so I keep wanting to go closer to the screen, which makes aiming harder.
Guess I should save up to buy a nice big flat panel, huh? |
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| Faithfully Scientific |
[Jun. 11th, 2009|03:38 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
Why do we all believe the world is round?
We're taught that science is different, that science is empirical, and questionable. Yet, we believe it like the Truth when we read it in a textbook. Science is the faith of the unfaithful, if you will. I was thinking about the planet, and that it's a sphere and it occured to me that I have no real evidence of that. Why do we all take that knowledge for granted. I suggest for you a new picture.
The world is flat. The only people who know this? Those in the leading edge of the scientific community. Do /you/ know any scientists? Have you ever done anything to confirm those facts, or have you taken them for granted because they're what the experts told you to believe? Do you always believe the guys at the auto shop when they tell you what's broken in your car, or do you go get second opinions?
Why don't we have more second opinions on some things?
Are we sure the world is round? Can we test this. I'm serious guys, it's time to take science into our own hands, and make sure that what we're being told is true! It's the scientific principle to QUESTION! So let's start questioning. We decided that science was awesome and bad ass but somewhere along the way we forgot what it was all about. Help me out here, give me some ideas on how to test to see that the world really is round. |
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| Slacking |
[Jun. 10th, 2009|11:58 pm] |
I've been a major slacker. I didn't post yesterday, and now it's nearly midnight and I still haven't written anything. Shame on me!
I have a whole two fans and for them I need to keep to my schedule.
So I'm watching Dr. Horrible again, with two friends and one of their friends. They wanted her to watch it pretty bad; they love the show, but as I see her (not) watching it, a dirty look on her face, it's important to know just how a person will react to something, or at least to have a vague idea of what they like before you try to tell them they'll like something. I just don't think she's the sort of person to like the humor style, but how should I have know that, I've known her all of six hours now. But, she's nowhere near as geeky and silly as the friends I tend to hang out with. It makes me wonder why they're friends at all, a little.
How do you know what a person is going to like before they're exposed to it? How do you know what a person will enjoy? More importantly, who should know this information among a group of people? Should it be the girl who caught sight of it early on in the movie, or the two friends who have known her for years who keep excitedly quoting and laughing and not noticing the dirty look on their friend's face? Or maybe it's my lack of knowledge of this person's manerisms. Perhaps this is how she shows her approval? She just seems uncomfortable.
Is it my place, or anyone's place to try to understand what another person's expressions actually mean? I mean, my facial expressions were some of the least expressive (or frequently backwards) for a good long time, until I was properly socialized. So who am I to judge whether she likes it or not? Why should I be worried about it, anyway? Should we be worried about what a person I don't know actually cares. And observing the reactions of other people.
Dammit... |
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| Ahem... |
[Jun. 9th, 2009|06:23 pm] |
Sorry it's just a meme this time around. I'm still looking for some inspiration.
( Read more... ) |
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| Capi vs. Comi |
[Jun. 8th, 2009|12:29 pm] |
Today I'm going to discuss capitalism versus communism.
(Woah! Are you insane?)
Okay, so you're probably NOT thinking this because I don't have any readership and this isn't quite a "blog" just yet, despite my stated goal of getting myself writing to the level of daily blog posts. If this were a blog, then perhaps it would be a deep and dangerous conversation to touch. As it stands? I digress.
So, first, I have a little advice for you. If you ever decide to get your name changed, or do anything at all that requires the use of the legal system: get a lawyer. Seriously, unless you like wading through an impossible maze, or have had legal training of your own, that place is a mess. My second advice for this is to shop around. I'm the kind of girl that feels guilty if, once I've asked someone how much it will be I go run off and find someone else to do the job. It seems discourteous, and rude. Which is just plain messed up. It's the cornerstone of the capitalist system to shop around. To find the better price; in the event of noticable difference in quality, to decide if the higher price is worth the higher cost. Not shopping around is stupid, unpatriotic and makes you a commie fascist pig, or some other ridiculous insult of that nature. Serious.
This brings me to another thing on the list that makes you pinko fascists. (I need to study up on my insults. I'm already out.) Brand loyalty. That's right, I'm looking at you guys, AMD/Intel buffs. I'm serious here. Two companies make processors. First of all, why only two? We need more! We need more choices for capitalism to work! Unfortunately, there's already enough copyright issues going on with those two, claiming one stole the other's design that it's impossible for anyone else to get into the market (they'd have to steal the same designs, after all). So we only have two choices, and we have four factions of customers. The people who pick whichever is better, then regret it because now they have a motherboard specific for that type, and if they want to switch, they have to buy a new mobo, the people who are AMD purists, or the Intel purists who never even consider getting the other (commies!) and the people who just don't care, who are probably the worst of the bunch. It becomes random chance, at that point, which one you get and whether you get the better deal.
Hmm, I'm not touching a wide enough audience. Ah, yes, video games! I was talking about this last night, actually, when I got off of work. I'm sitting there, looking at the game case for Wii, and seeing a whole assortment of games I've never heard of. Never heard about. And I don't think I'll ever see them advertised or anything of the sort. To be fair, I don't read gaming magazines, which undoubtedly would tell me the things I need to know about these games, but the problem I have is that those of us outside the main stream of information don't know about these games. All we learn about is those franchises that are already established. We're sitting on a thirteenth, maybe even a fourteenth final fantasy game; everyone knows about it and there are a lot of people who have already decided whether they're going to get the game. Not knowing how they play, what they're about, etc. Brand loyalty (or disloyalty) drives people to pick up the latest game in the popular franchise while little new games from unheard of companies slink by, maybe becoming a cult classic if they're lucky. If I had the money... and the time... and the systems... and... yeah, well, I'd buy them, and play them just because they're new and they look pretty. 'Course, I also want to buy Bionic Commando, simply because I liked the ooooold nintendo game and that is pretty silly. I doubt they're a thing alike. We've got decades apart from each other!
Ooh ooh! It works for cars, too! Yep, brand loyalty.
...you know what, this just isn't going too well for me. I'm ranting and all that, but it just isn't clicking. I'm just going every which direction and honestly, I'm not making any sort of actual point here. Though I never intended to make a real point, just get people to think about silly things. *sigh*
I'll try again later today, maybe. This whole rant sounded much cooler in my head while at work. |
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| How does one come up with good titles? |
[Jun. 7th, 2009|12:48 pm] |
If I said I was going to try to write an entry every day, would anyone even care?
No, see, that's far too passive agressive a statement for me to really feel comfortable asking it. See, the problem I'm having is that I'm a writer that simply put, doesn't write. I've tried to work around this, but it isn't going very far. I haven't done much, if any work on the stories I started years ago, and I hardly write much in terms of non-fiction, either. How am I supposed to be establishing myself as a writer if I don't write? For that matter, if I'm not writing, how could I hope to get published.
I just don't write enough, so I want to (once again) try to write more. Yeah, this rarely works. So far we're batting zero, but it's worth a shot. I need to write more. All my samples of my writing are sickeningly out of date, at this point.
Okay, I'll admit it, this whole line of thought was instigated by cakes.
That's right. Cakes.
I was reading a blog about cakes...
Hold on, let me find you the link.
http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com
There, one of the about forty six tabs I currently have open in Firefox.
Other examples include the wikipedia page on Turkish Vans, or the floor plan of The Omni Hotel in Los Angeles. You know, I could have sworn that it was called the Alexandria. Wait... no... that's just the name I applied to the fictional hotel I'm using in a game I'm planning for... The lines between reality and fiction are a bit blurry for me sometimes. I've also got a google search for "porn convention" and "cathedral floorplan" up here. (Anyone out there interested in what exactly kind of game I'm going to be running here?)
Oh but I do believe I went and got off topic. Tragic flaw that will likely spell doom for this entry. Shame my brain just can't handle staying on a single train of thought for too long. Well, unless I decide what said train of thought is before I start. Which I clearly did not do today.
Anyway, I digress from my digression. My point is. I've been looking for jobs, and a lot of the cool ones want an established writer. Oops. (Should have expected this! Alas, I am oblivious to the world, sometimes.) So, I have so many awesome thoughts (to me) running around in my head that I think could make great little bits for a blog (such a dirty word) but I never actually write them down and they end up lost to the ages. Maybe I should write them out, huh?
So, how about an entry a day, huh? Anyone else think it's a good idea? |
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| Looking back |
[May. 23rd, 2009|01:33 am] |
I've been looking back at my life.
I guess it's kinda dumb, we shouldn't dwell on the past, but look to the future. But, I'm trying to work towards a new philosophy on life. Learn from the mistakes of who you once were.
See, I've come to the realization that... or perhaps I'm still trying to convince myself that... we're not the same person we used to be. That every day, month, year, we are a new person, a new mind with all our memories from the past just hanging out in our heads. We change who we are so many times in our lives, it's impossible to think that we are the same person forever.
I've been looking back at some of the me's I used to be...
And damn, I was dumb.
And arrogant. Condescending.
An idiot, that's for sure.
Oh, and incredibly bad at any form of socialization. I mean, wow.
And as much as I like to say I don't hold grudges, there are a few still hanging out in here. Most of which revolve around birthdays during which no one said "happy birthday." Don't much care if I get presents, but dinner would be nice. I mean, I am a totally different person than I was however many years ago that was, but seriously? Am I still sad because they didn't take me out to the traditional birthday dinner that the rest of my friends got? I mean wow, that's pretty sick.
I've been a lot of pretty bad people in the past. Mistreating friends. Drifting from person to person, never really sure what i was doing... how to fix it... sometimes I knew what I was doing but I had no idea how to stop... those were probably the worst me's.
And my stupid tendency to hide, hoping people will look for me as a sign of caring. Damn, I mean wow... how dumb could I get?
Well... the me today knows these things... and knows she won't be around forever. So... I'm writing this down... immortalizing it as a message to future me's. I want my children... the future me's, that is... to be better people. Always. In the past, I tried to self improve, but it always happened wrong. But, those people that I once was... their attempts should not be in vain. I know more now... their knowledge, like the ever marching progress of science of the human race in microcosm in my shifting personality. Maybe some day I can be a good person.
Wow, this sat here all day at work; i thought I posted it.
While at work... I was still thinking about it.
I'm still looking back too much with the emphasis on excusing my past selves...
I'm still not quite adhering to my own philosophy yet..
Still need to work on it... |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 17th, 2009|02:00 am] |
My car battery died.
...
Again. |
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| Want |
[May. 2nd, 2009|12:05 pm] |
I want to live every life possible,
I want to be everything there is,
I want to do everything there is to do,
I want to know everyone,
Be everyone,
Find everything.
I want to live life in luxury,
I want to live in the depths of poverty,
I want to endure bliss and experience suffering,
I want to live forever,
I want to die young,
I want to dance and sing and watch the most beautiful of performances,
I want to miss out on something without missing it,
I want to create,
I want to destroy,
I want to experience everything there is...
I want to eat my cake, and still have it.
Is that unusual?
Guess not... |
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| deadline |
[Apr. 28th, 2009|08:01 am] |
http://web.missouri.edu/~jpdd2c/web_evaluation_formSP09.doc
dammit!
dammit dammit!
if the people who were willing to evaluate the page from the last entry could fill this out for me? T_T
I finally found where they had it and it needs information that only you could give me...
but people stopped adding comments to the last one... *cry*
or you could just tell me via comment to this entry what i should fill it in with so we don't have to worry about transfering things.
dammit...
sigh... |
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| Mew |
[Apr. 25th, 2009|02:47 pm] |
Wow, it's been a forever since I updated this.
I wonder if anyone even checks it anymore.
So, I'm taking an intro to web development at the moment, and I've made a really crappy crappy website (I... put it off way too long so I didn't spend as long as I should have on it) and I need to do an "evaluation report" on it. To do this? I need some outside sources to evaluate it, and tell me what you think. To be honest, I wish i had the time to tear it apart and start from scratch, but I'm seriously stressing out so I'm gonna have to make due with the current version.
By the way, it is seriously lacking in content.
But, I would be really really grateful if anyone would look it over and give me some of their opinions on it. The more you say, the more I can improve it (and... the more i can accomplish the evaluation report that's due this tuesday).
http://web.missouri.edu/~jpdd2c/final/index.html
Please? Help me out? I'd rather have real people evaluate it than have to try to bs my way through it.
Oh, and if you know html, feel free to look at mine and tell me how bad it is (and relatively simple)...
Dammit I know I know more than this... all this xhtml compliance stuff...
Anyway. Sorry. Ranting.
User Testers:
• One experienced HTML developer (may be another student in this class) and have that person
review your web site's design and HTML code.
• One person whom you can observe as they interact with your web site. Make sure that you take
as many notes as possible as you observe the users interact with your web site.
• Two people who may be familiar with the web site content or considered part of the target
audience for the web site. List each person's background as a potential user from your design
document. Through a combination of both observation and interviews, obtain data on ease of use,
value of web site content, and other user perceptions.
Prepare an evaluation report with the following:
• Name and description of each individual along with the computer system and type of browser they
used
• Description of the process utilized for the experienced web developer and other users’ testing
• A combined report of the comments/observations made by the experienced web developer and usertesters
• Changes you will make based on the data from both the developer and user testing and how these
changes will improve your web site
• Description of suggestions that you agree or do not agree with and your reasons for disagreeing
• Usefulness of both testing methods (observation of user vs. experienced developer testing)
• Actual data from the user testers. Each evaluator should complete the form and send their evaluation
responses to you. FTP these files to your Bengal account. Provide a link to each evaluator’s
completed data file at the end of your evaluation report.
Okay so yeah, I KNOW there is no content on it yet. Well, not much. I haven't had much time to try to format all the stories for it. T_T
So... sigh...
help? |
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| Tongue Piercing |
[Dec. 11th, 2008|07:31 pm] |
Recently I got my tongue pierced! Neat huh?
Except that...
Okay so I'm a little tired and can't think of a clever way to introduce this so I'll just say finding a shard of glass in your food is preferably done prior to putting it in your mouth.
(In short, you should always be sure of what you're putting in your mouth before you do so...)
I was at friends' house, and Christopher had made dinner for everyone and to be completely fair, it was quite tasty. Not the same sort of food I'm used to, but every family has slightly different cooking styles. I plan on cooking a meal for them, some day, and we'll see if they like mine, but I've sorta gotten off topic here, haven't I? He made dinner and I was finishing off what was on my plate. Suddenly, I felt a sting in my tongue. If you've ever been eating meat (i think most likely a bird of some sort) and found a little bone that poked your tongue but no serious damage, that's pretty much what it felt like. Except that trying to move it didn't do me any good. So, I grabbed it and pulled...
And a shard of glass, about three quarters of an inch, I think, comes out.
Along with a lot of blood. (And all the food I'd been chewing on, of course.)
Friends freaked out, one was worried I'd bit off a chunk of my tongue. Thank the gods I didn't.
Honestly, I'm glad it happened to me, instead of anyone else, particularly the children. A two year old and a three year old? I can't imagine how they would react to that...needless to say, I didn't react all too well, either. Started hyperventilating, felt a little light headed from the sight of the blood, and didn't really want to take the cloth out of my mouth that was stopping the bleeding.
I like to think I reacted pretty well, and calmed down pretty fast... but I'm not an outside observer so who knows...
Anyway. Getting a shard of glass stuck in your tongue while eating? Not fun. Wouldn't advise doing it. Though, the blood coagulates pretty fast, so as long as it's small and you get it out it's fine. Tastes a little funny. Hope that goes back to normal as it heals. |
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| Frozen Over |
[Nov. 8th, 2008|02:32 pm] |
I'm freaking freezing. I wake up in the morning, and I can hardly get out of bed because it's so cold. I don't want to move the covers.
Now, I'm used to this, because I'm in the basement, and sometimes it gets so cold I have a hard time typing (case in point, please excuse any typos i fail to correct).
So I was upstairs and caught a look at the thermostat as is set by my father. The heater is not on. We're at about fifty seven degrees indoor. Reminds me of summer when the heater was broken and we hit like eighty indoors.
I have to wonder how much money he's saving on heating and cooling this way. At least during summer I had the basement to fall back on. It was a tad cooler down here than upstairs (though he had a window A/C to use so his room which is normally the hottest of the house was far from it. Now, though, the basement is still the coolest. I was wondering why I kept getting dressed in the morning only to find that I was too hot once I got to class and stuff.
Taking bets on when we think he'll finally turn on the heater... |
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| Thank you |
[Nov. 8th, 2008|01:42 am] |
Everyone who commented, even though it was a day late. >^^<
I'm feeling better now; when I was at work a manger randomly stopped me and was like hey, happy birthday yesterday.
I was feeling really depressed, but then I was too confused to be depressed.
Really though, that's all I wanted. At least one person to just arbitrarily think of it and wish me well.
As for having a nice birthday? Nope, didn't happen. But, that doesn't mean I can't celebrate it a few days later. Which, I think I'll do sometime next week. Take myself out to a nice dinner and maybe a movie. >^^ |
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| Happy birthday |
[Nov. 7th, 2008|03:28 pm] |
I always get depressed around my birthday. Nothing ever seems to go right, I suppose. I always say that it's just another day, just like any other, and so no one should make a big deal. But people do make big deals about birthdays all the time. I guess it's been drilled into me by society or media or something that a birthday should be special. In some way, shape or form.
Usually, no one remembers it because I never tell anyone about it. Frankly, it's safer that way. If I never tell anyone, then they'll never forget it. I actually told people this year.
So I work up these silly ideas in my head that maybe something will go right for my birthday, that maybe it will be more than just another day. At the very least, someone will say "happy birthday" to me. That's a rarity. Three people did so, via AIM. One after being reminded. None verbal.
I know it's irrational of me, and stupid to make something so insignificant important to myself. I shouldn't pester people with my petty emotional problems, and I definitely shouldn't be posting this passive aggressive shit here. But, I don't want this to be an attack, I just want to try to explain why I was depressed. I tried when asked, but I was cut off and the topic was changed and then no one seemed to care after that point. Or seemed concerned when I walked outside, barefoot, into that frigid weather. Of course, I should know by now that no one ever follows so why bother doing it?
Gods I'm a horribly passive aggressive person. I need to change that...
I mean, I should be happy that I was asked at all, and happy that when it was time for people to leave and go to bed someone else came to ask me... and I am.
But I felt blown off. Like the reason I was on the verge of tears the whole night was worthless and that I didn't matter in the slightest. Even when I asked someone to say it, they didn't. They told me that birthdays suck and are just getting older.
Not once did someone "say" happy birthday to me on my birthday.
Text is one thing...but voice is a different matter.
I'm actually still on the verge of tears. I'm not sure why.
I should have made something special happen, instead of hoping someone else would do it for me. I should have gone out shopping and bought myself something. I should have gone out and done SOMETHING different. It's the only thing in the world I can control, or count on.
I guess I'll just wait another year. At this point, hearing it would just upset me more. I would feel like I was being mocked for wanting something so simple as two words said on a specific day.
I'm going to be pretty mopey and depressed for a while now. Not sure how long it will last.
I'm sorry that something so stupid has gotten me into such a funk.
But hey. You asked why I was depressed. Someone did anyway. Even if once you saw the base reason you didn't care anymore...I had to say it to someone. Even if no one cares, or ends up reading this.
Whatever. I don't much care anymore. (That's a lie.)
Just hope I can keep myself from breaking down into tears at work. That would end well. |
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| given in |
[Oct. 25th, 2008|12:14 pm] |
Okay so I finally gave in and joined myspace. *shudders* feel so vile.
All for stupid little browser games that I doubt will hold my interest...
but eh, if anyone has one of those and wants to lemme know... |
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